Alright everybody, this is my first ever mailbag issue, and I’m honestly pretty excited. It took a little bit to pull this together, and I might have to do another one. But here goes with the first one.
First, I need to say how cool it was getting replies. Some came through Instagram or Facebook, some as direct responses to my emails. Some funny, all encouraging, and some incredibly heartwarming. It is humbling to know that anybody reads at all; and even more that something is actually hitting home and resonating, and that you’d take the time to respond. That’s a really cool feeling.
These aren’t in any particular order, since there have been a few newsletters out now. Here we go.
The single dad
A reader wrote me after the Father’s Day issue. He became a single dad when he lost his wife at forty years old. And my favorite thing he said in his response: tragedy can turn into triumph.
I won’t share all the details of his letter, but let me tell you, it spoke to me, and I found it incredibly encouraging. You know who you are. I’m so sorry for your loss; and I love the way you’ve taken that tragedy and turned it into a win, not just for yourself, but now as a way to encourage other people. Well done, sir.
The open door
Another reader responded to the fatherhood thread; the “Am I Enough?” question, the idea that two kids in the same house can have two completely different childhoods, and the one-up trap.
This gentleman always reaches out, and he’s so encouraging. He’s been telling me for years that his deck is open, the pool’s always open, and my favorite: “I always have a pour for you.”
You know who you are, buddy. One day I’m going to have the time to take you up on that. Just know your encouragement and support through the years is something I don’t take for granted.
“Their emotions doesn’t cash my check”
A CEO buddy of mine sent me that line after the business issue, and dammit, if that did not resonate with me.
Another reader, someone with fifty years of business behind him who I respect a ton, shared his own version of the same lesson; he learned a long time ago to keep his head down and let the work speak, because a handful of comments can make it feel like everyone is against you.
And a third reader wrote something that told me he really understands my frustration around here. It’s difficult sometimes to know you’ve done your best, that you’ve been generous with your time, your money, and your intentions, and to have that completely negated or overlooked because somebody doesn’t like your opinion on something. Or because they have one percent of the facts and move forward with assumptions as if they had all of them, creating a narrative that’s just not accurate. It’s frustrating, and it happens more than I’d like to admit in a small town.
Perhaps there’s more to dive into there one day. But that’s a different issue.
The question that got me
One of my favorite responses came from a friend and fellow business owner I have mad respect for. He asked: how do you balance multiple operations while still making time for yourself?
This is difficult to answer, because even the last couple of weeks are evidence that sometimes I don’t have the right answer. I’ve got a capital raise I’m in the middle of (hit me back if you want more info!). An acquisition I’m trying to work through. A girlfriend who lives on the West Coast. Two kids back in school with different needs I’m now struggling to meet. And I’m trying to balance my personal time, play golf, be dad, and just enjoy life, against the constant, ever-changing pressures of a business that has ups and downs like any rollercoaster.
So it’s hard. But here’s what I’ve got.
I’ve been super fortunate in deciding to hire a phenomenal executive assistant who helps keep me balanced.
I’ve learned to listen to myself and intentionally put myself first sometimes. That may sound selfish or crazy to some people, but it’s like they say on an airplane: you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you can put it on anybody else.
And I’ve learned to go with the flow a little more. I don’t try to cram everything in. Some days the energy and the mindset are there for work, and I dive in. Some days they’re not; and if they’re not, I don’t force it. That’s my body or my brain telling me I need something else, and I’m actually doing my own company a disservice by forcing it. Sometimes I need to sit down and do nothing. Sometimes I need to go visit a friend, sit on his deck by the pool with a glass of whiskey, and not even talk; just sit in silence and know I’m with somebody who gives a damn. Sometimes it’s golf.
I don’t know that I have all the answers, and maybe one day if you guys care, I’ll elaborate on how I actually structure my week to allow for everything. But balancing multiple operations is surprisingly difficult, and it’s something you have to work at intentionally.
The reader who made my week
One of my favorite responses was from a 72 year old with a cool story: they’re buying another business instead of retiring.
What I have to say to that is: hell yeah.
I think that’s super cool. I know a lot of people who retire and don’t do anything, and the reality is, their life slowly ends. I think we’re supposed to stay busy. Now, we don’t have to be working like a dog, and hopefully you’re not working for financial reasons; you’re working to stay busy and do something you’re passionate about and love. And if that’s the case, you’re not really even working.
I love that this person is 72 years old and still going after more of what they want. Hopefully some of my future writing can be not just an encouragement to them, but can offer some lessons to make their new project even easier and better; especially since I’m going through an acquisition myself.
The therapy issue is happening
A couple of you reached out specifically saying you wanted the therapy issue. So I’m going to do it.
I’ll talk about what I’ve learned, why it took me so long to go to therapy, why I’ve decided to continue in therapy, and why I genuinely believe that everybody needs therapy; especially men. And if you don’t think you need anything at all, then you probably need it more than you realize.
I’ve heard the responses. It’s coming.
To those already serving
Lastly: several of you reached out to encourage me about my service in Bolivia, and a couple of you mentioned that you’re already serving in various capacities, whether that’s missions or local outreach. I just want to say, I find that so cool. I’d love to hear more of those stories; what you’re doing, how, and why.
Thank you, for the encouragement toward my own efforts and for letting me know what you’re doing. I genuinely appreciate it.
Before I go
That wraps up most of what I’ve received; I apologize if I missed anybody.
For future newsletters: if there’s anything you want to know, or anything else you want covered, please don’t hesitate. I’m happy to write about it if it’s something I’ve got experience with or can resonate with.
And one more thing: I intentionally kept all of these responses anonymous. If you’ve got a response and you’re willing to let me share your name and a specific quote, let me know and I’d happily do that. Otherwise, if you don’t say anything at all, I’ll keep it anonymous. Always.
One housekeeping note: this issue I responded so everyone can read it, as promised. But just know, future mailbags will only go to paid subscribers. Thanks for understanding, and I’m grateful for the support!
Next up is some business updates, and that therapy issue is coming soon. But I wanted to get some responses out first.
Thank you, everybody, for giving me something to respond to. Talk to you next week.
Never there. Never going to be.
Ryan
Not Quite There Yet Guy
CEO & Co-Founder, Knowledge Perk | Chair, Gravity Center Foundation | EO Charlotte