Alright, it’s a new week. And I didn’t write last week; that’s another one I skipped without saying anything. So for this week, I don’t know that there’s a specific theme other than honesty and vulnerability.
Life is a roller coaster. In the middle of all of it, I got to go to California with my mom and my sister, visit my amazing girlfriend, and eat our way across the coast while looking at art! Life be lifing. (No, that’s not a word. Yes, I am using it.)
How fast it all changes
Over the last week and a half, it’s amazing to me how quickly life can change. Business too.
There’s a lot going on in my personal life. Some things coming up that I’m incredibly excited about and looking forward to, and yet that factors into the daily and weekly stress just the same. Same with my kids. Jaxon’s in middle school now, dealing with all the changes there and the massive amount of homework that comes with it. I’m working through what my future gets to look like and having conversations with both of my kids about that; especially my daughter, who does not always see eye to eye with me because, well, she’s ten and has a mind of her own. LOL.
And then there’s work. I’ve spent the last seven or eight years pouring into different things and moving in a specific direction, and it’s crazy how things can change at the drop of a hat. Even just the last couple of months: money from a capital raise coming in, conversations with banks, new locations coming on board, a potential acquisition. And then, in the space of a few days, all of that can change. You’re left wondering, did I do something wrong? Did I screw something up?
The reality is, sometimes? Sometimes it’s just life. Sometimes things just aren’t meant to be.
(And yes, the company is fine. The decisions being made actually improve the raise, with investor approval. Sometimes it’s just admitting that other people maybe had a better bead on what the future looks like than you did, even if it was your vision to start with…. The end goal is the same, but the path to get there can change in a moment. Oh, and even with all the craziness, my team closed new accounts and we got Small Business of the Year in Columbia! Biz life is wild, haha.)
The 24 hours that changes everything
When I look back over the last couple of weeks, there were documents I was so close to signing, and something just didn’t sit right. Didn’t feel right. So I gave myself one or two more days of space. And that space and time allowed other things to transpire.
I’m amazed at how often that little bit of extra time, even 24 hours, is the difference between a potentially terrible decision and a great one.
In this case, I have to reflect on my faith, and on God’s providence and grace; looking out for things, looking out for me even when I didn’t know it, even looking out for my company.
Last week was hard
Obviously, I didn’t write. I was dealing with so many things coming at me from so many directions, many of which will get written about in the coming weeks and months as things play out and unfold. But I was unbelievably stressed. The pressure and the weight of life, of being a father, a boyfriend, a business owner, and just a man…. it’s real.
I’m so glad I have people I can talk to. People I can go on long walks with, or pick up the phone and call. People who care about me and my kids and my family and my business. And I’m reminded that this is exactly why we are not supposed to do life alone. If I’d had to deal with the last two weeks completely on my own, I’m honestly not sure how I would have managed it.
And sometimes it’s just taking time out to go watch Spider-Man a second time, or letting the ten-year-old with a mind of her own sleep on the couch next to you….
Even with my support structure, there were one or two nights specifically where the world just weighs you down, and it’s completely overwhelming. I feel like I’m a pretty strong dude, even though I do have some big emotions. But I’ve realized that my upbringing, and the sense of responsibility I carry, keeps me feeling the pressure for everybody else. I feel an ownership sometimes that maybe shouldn’t even be mine. I feel like I need to be there for my girl, for my kids, for my business partner, for my family, for my friends, for my employees.
And sometimes, at 2 a.m., that leaves you wondering: who is there for me?
The reality is that God is. And every single person I just mentioned above is too…. if I let them. They don’t know to help me, or how to help me, or even that something’s wrong, if I don’t tell them. I’ve got to be willing to pick up the phone and say: hey, I’m really struggling today. Or: hey, I’m weighed down by this decision, can I talk through it? Or even: hey, I don’t want to do or talk about anything. I know what I need to do, and I just hate that I have to make this decision. I just want to walk with somebody in silence….
I think as guys, it’s hard for us to admit that. And over the last two weeks I’ve learned it’s just as hard for me to admit it, even with the massive effort I’m putting into being vulnerable and transparent so everybody else can see they’re not alone. Even I have to remind myself to take these steps; to support myself by allowing myself to not be alone. There are people there. I just have to choose to lean on them.
Otherwise, what’s the point?
Before I go
I know this one is a bit of a ramble. Next week I’ll get back to business, with updates on directions and decisions made. This week I just wanted to be real. It was a tough couple of weeks. I am okay, and I’m okay because of the people around me, the support structures I do have, and because I understand that not only can I not do life alone; I shouldn’t. We’re not meant to.
So to each and every one of you who has some place in my life, some meaning, some importance (some closer than others, but even acquaintances are there for a reason): thank you for listening.
And I encourage you: if you are struggling, if you are depressed, if you just need somebody to talk to, reach out. Whether it’s me, your significant other, a kid, a family member; it doesn’t matter. Don’t hold everything in. You’ve got to have somebody to talk to and lean on. That’s half of what life is about.
This is just a reminder to myself that I’m not quite there yet, and honestly, never will be. And if you’re honest, you won’t be either.
All we can do is keep moving forward.
Ryan
Not Quite There Yet Guy
CEO & Co-Founder, Knowledge Perk | Chair, Gravity Center Foundation | EO Charlotte
If you’re in crisis, call or text 988. Any time, any reason.